if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize