Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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