A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
