She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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