I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
