She is in my trunk
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
