I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09