Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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