He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
