He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He passed out mid-signature
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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