I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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