they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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