Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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