You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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