sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
