He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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