Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
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As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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