So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
