i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
