yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize