Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
