Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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