At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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