taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
