Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
