Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
