make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
