could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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