I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
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You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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