you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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