so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
