So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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