Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
