I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
