Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
