nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
