We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
