Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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