Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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