overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
