it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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