So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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