We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
