Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon

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(816): View more from Missouri

dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?

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(478): View more from Georgia

tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid

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(732): View more from New Jersey

WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?

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(707): View more from California

come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.

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(941): View more from Florida

You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.

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(231): View more from Michigan

... drunk me broke the coffee table?

(616): View more from Michigan

STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.

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(956): View more from Texas

U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.

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