so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
