You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
