my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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