I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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