You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
