I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
