I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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