Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
