You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
