isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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