so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
