He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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