i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
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she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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