and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.