3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The cops high fived after they tackled you