dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament