haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
